If there’s anything I hate in life more than cilantro, it’s the people that act as if there’s something wrong with me because I’d rather eat a cactus, a moldy Chicago dog doused in Tabasco and sprinkled with the ashes of incinerated mouse entrails, or any number of things that would cause a near-death dining experience.

Annoying person du jour: “Oh you don’t like cilantro? Seriously? It’s delicious! How can you not like it?! [proceeds to smother fish taco / salad / chili / Indian food / barbecue chicken pizza / et al  with cilantro and make smug “mmmm!” noises]

Me: [Rolls eyes, angrily picks as much cilantro out of dish as possible before giving up and throwing food in garbage, orders chicken fingers, curses under breath, gets hangry, drinks more alcohol on empty stomach, can’t drive home from restaurant, tries to anyway, gets pulled over for DUI, sees officer has “I love cilantro” lapel pin on and attempts to fight said officer, arrested and taken to jail, becomes bitch of big guy named Lenny and forced to ‘drop the soap’ in shower every day, smell of soap reminds self of cilantro, breaks down and cries for life being ruined over cilantro].

They say 10% of people have a genetic aversion to cilantro…if this is not evolution I’m not sure what is…considering dinosaurs probably ate cilantro, I’m on the right side of history and science here, folks…

[note: I did consume select parts of this purported “pizza”]