This is not pizza, but it’s still a pie. It is, in fact, the sine qua non of pies, the best pie in entire world. I stake my reputation upon it. Though I will be the first to admit my street cred doesn’t stand for much in the pizza circles nowadays…I’ve lost my crusty pizza edge trying to lose some extra poundage gained during the last 6 mos of what appears to be a pandemic. Though early on I consumed an unhealthy (like at least weekly) quantity of Gusto pizza, primarily in the form of majority shareholder position of a large Spartacus…

cus!…the last few summer months have been spent trying to reverse the affects of said pizza. This peach pie, however, was a nice diversion from the healthy kick.

Recipe is straight from gramma, who got it from her mom, who probably got it from a long forgotten cookbook that likely provided a wicked recipe for pineapple upside down cake on the next page. The key is the meringue-like consistency of the crust, which is primarily saltine crackers, sugar, walnuts, egg whites (?), vanilla paste (??), basil (???), eye of newt (????)…I have no idea actually beyond the crackers, sugar and walnuts…I’ve never made it. But it’s best when left to congeal overnight and consumed at breakfast with a large cup of coffee. And then again at lunch. And ideally again after dinner, where your children will probably cry because you ate all the pie and barely left them scraps, but from which you can distract them with a cookie/toy/TV/money/verbal threat and be allowed to finish off theirs as well [kids aren’t very smart].

Anyway…while I don’t have much to show for myself for the last few months aside from stretch marks, I’m confident I can balance a work/pizza relationship in the upcoming fall months when the temperature drops, the consumption of beer increases, and we finally gain the ability to mask extra weight with numerous layers of clothes.

Fuck you 2020.

post script: I realize now that trying to read this while Gerard Butler visually screams “this is Sparta” on continuous loop before kicking you into a giant pit is a little distracting. I do not apologize for it but I acknowledge how annoying it is.